Inspired By True Events
Today found me oddly inspired as I enjoyed a quiet morning before work as I cleaned out my Email Inbox, listened to the new Meatloaf CD, and conspired in some writing ideas. Which does beg the immediate question: just what the hell kind of muse inspired me to do what you're about to read of?!
I'll be short and succint for
Today's Lesson: you cannot breathe Calvin Klein's
Contradiction for Men colonge as you would air.
The altercation happened as I was getting ready for the afternoon/evening work shift. There I was, just having finished shaving. And very happy to now have a bottle of cologne (thanks to Mel at Commercialmas), I lifted the nozzle towards the underside of my chin, and tilted my head up.
Perhaps I should have seen this coming. I've never been great with hand-eye coordination. All my projects in Shop class had small rippling curves whenever straight lines were called for. Even rulers or those braces for tablesaws couldn't save me.
Getting back to the offending spray nozzle, I spritzed some nice-smelling cologne onto my neck and the underside of my chin. The rest of the nice-smelling cologne was spritzed right up into my nose. In all honesty, having
Contradiction sprayed up one's nasal passage is a rather unique experience, and I highly recommend you to never try it unless you're really, really bored.
I hacked and gagged and made ridiculous faces, and remarked things like, "Oh, that's not right!" And after laughing at my predicament for a good two minutes, Mel finally asked if I was all right. By then my nostrils were smelling more fragrant than any other man's on the planet. I was still not impressed.
At the very least, I can rest assured that while glue-sniffing and gasoline-sniffing are still dangerous & easy ways to get high, I doubt that cologne-sniffing will ever be an avenue addicts turn to.
I'm always a guy who will try most anything at least once. With any luck, the almighty lightning bolt of stupidity will not strike this proverbial tree twice the next time I pick up that bottle....
posted by Phillip at 7:17 PM
